3 Rules for Men in Sexless Relationships

Ground Rules With Yourself Before You Talk About Sex

Before you bring up the lack of sex with your partner, it’s critical to check in with yourself first. Ask this, What’s really underneath my anger? Is it fear of being unattractive? Fear the relationship is dying? Feelings of rejection or loneliness? Write it down. When you speak from hurt instead of rage, you’re more likely to be heard, not attacked or ignored.

Also, be honest about your personal boundaries. Can you live with rare sex? Is affection without sex enough for you? Know where you draw the line. And most importantly, drop the scorekeeping. Say goodbye to phrases like “you never” or “you owe me.” Instead, speak from your heart, Here’s what I need. Here’s how I feel.

How to Start the Hardest Conversation of Your Life

The first real talk about a sexless relationship can feel terrifying. That’s why it helps to plan ahead. Don’t do it in bed. Don’t do it right after another rejection. And never during a fight.

Ask for a safe space. Say something like, “Can we set aside 30 minutes this week to talk about us? It’s important to me.” When the time comes, speak from experience, not accusation: “When we go months without sex, I start to feel disconnected and rejected. I miss feeling close to you.”

Don’t blame. Don’t attack. Just be real.

Say What You’re NOT Doing

When someone hears “we need to talk about sex,” panic sets in. That’s why it helps to say what you’re not trying to do. You’re not forcing sex. You’re not blaming them. You’re coming from a place of love and struggle.

Try, “I’m not here to pressure you or make you the bad guy. I’m here because I care, and I want to understand what’s really going on so we can work on this together.”

Listening When It Hurts Is the Hardest Part And the Most Healing

If your partner opens up, you may not like what you hear. Maybe they’ve lost desire. Maybe they’re carrying resentment, trauma, or body image issues. Your job isn’t to fix it on the spot. Your job is to listen.

Reflect back what they say: “So what I hear is that you feel anxious, like any affection has to lead to sex, and that shuts you down. Is that right?” You’re not agreeing. You’re just showing that you understand.

Ask with curiosity, not criticism: “What makes sex hard for you right now? Is it stress, kids, something between us?” End with gratitude: “Hearing that you don’t feel desire hurts, but I really appreciate your honesty. I want us to be real with each other.”

Share Your Needs Without Pressuring Your Partner

Yes, your needs matter , and so does your partner’s autonomy. You can say “Sexual and physical closeness are important to me in a relationship. I’m really struggling without them. I’d like us to find a path that works for both of us.”

Avoid threats. Instead of “If we don’t have sex, I’m leaving,” say “If nothing changes, I worry I’ll grow resentful, and that could really damage us. I don’t want that. That’s why I’m bringing this up now.”

Make it clear. “You always have the right to say no. I’m not asking you to force yourself. I’m asking how we can have a relationship that feels good for both of us.”

Rebuild Intimacy Without Jumping Straight to Sex

For many couples, especially in sexless marriages, emotional and non-sexual closeness needs to come first. Start with simple daily touches, a real hug, holding hands, a kiss goodbye. No pressure. Just connection.

Set up little rituals that have nothing to do with sex: a walk after dinner, a daily check-in, even sitting with coffee in the morning. These small acts build safety and trust, the foundation of physical closeness.

Make affection safe again. Say, “I’d like to cuddle without it leading to sex. If it ever feels like too much, just tell me and I’ll honor that.” When touch feels safe, intimacy has room to grow again.

Talk About What’s Possible Not What’s Missing

Once there’s more emotional safety, it’s time to explore what’s possible now, not what you wish your sex life looked like. Ask gentle questions. “On a scale of 1–10, how tense would you feel if we just kissed or made out without going further?”

Propose a no-pressure experiment. “Would you be open to 15 minutes a week of sensual touch, like a massage or kissing, where either of us can pause at any time?”

Think in flexible terms. Instead of “I need sex twice a week,” say “Even once or twice a month, with affection in between, would feel better. Does that feel even a little possible if we keep working on this together?”

When to Get Help Or Take Care of Your Own Mental Health

Sometimes love isn’t enough. If you’re both stuck, it might be time to seek therapy, together or alone. You can say, “We’re stuck in a loop we can’t fix alone. I’d like us to talk to a sex therapist or couples counselor.”

If your partner refuses therapy, go on your own. Get support. Talk through your boundaries. Figure out if you want to stay, renegotiate, or move on.

If you’re slipping into depression, fantasizing about affairs, or feeling reckless, get help immediately. These are real signs of emotional pain, and you don’t have to suffer alone.

Final Thoughts

If you’re in a sexless relationship, it doesn’t mean you’re weak, broken, or needy. It means you’re human and craving connection. Your needs are valid. And so is your partner’s right to feel safe.

Start with just one step. Write down how you really feel. Ask for that 30-minute talk. Book a therapy session even if it’s just for you. You don’t have to blow up your relationship to save your sanity.

There’s a path forward. And it starts with one honest conversation.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is it normal to feel angry in a sexless marriage?
   Yes. Anger is a common emotional response to feeling rejected or unwanted. The key is learning how to express that anger in a constructive way, not one that pushes your partner further away.

2. Can a sexless relationship be fixed without sex therapy?
   In many cases, yes, if both partners are open to honest communication and emotional repair. However, a therapist can speed up the process and help with deeper issues like trauma or resentment.

3. How long is too long to go without sex in a relationship?
   There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But if months pass with no intimacy and no discussion, it’s usually a sign of a deeper disconnect that needs to be addressed.

4. Is lack of sex a reason to end a relationship?
   It can be, if sex is a non-negotiable need for you and your partner isn’t willing to work on it. The key is to get clear on your boundaries and communicate them with honesty and respect.

5. Can rebuilding intimacy help bring back sex?
   Absolutely. In many sexless marriages, non-sexual connection is the first step to reawakening desire. Trust, affection, and emotional closeness lay the foundation for a healthy sexual relationship.