Do you want tips for a stronger erection and better arousal? Let’s bust some myths and reveal tips for the most effective ways to navigate your sex life.
So much of what we think we know about sexuality, especially female sexuality, is just plain wrong! People like Dr. Kelly Casperson are actively seeking to dispel the myths and educate people to have the most satisfying sex possible.
Dr. Casperson is a renowned urologist, influencer, podcaster, and author of the title; You Are Not Broken. Pulling from the female perspective and sexuality, she has some of the most well-rounded strategies for a healthy sex life I’ve ever come across. So let’s dive in, shall we?
3 Myths About Sexuality Stopping You From Great Sex: Understanding the Female Side!
- Episode Video
- Women and Men Are Too Different To Understand Each Other
- I (or My Partner) Just Have a Low Desire
- Sex is a Simple Product of Human Nature
- Final Thoughts
Episode Video
1. Women and Men Are Too Different To Understand Each Other
That is a big fat N-O! While there are differences between men’s and women’s sexual processes, we are way more similar than you might have imagined. The problem with thinking we’re only different is that we give up on exploring and understanding the opposite sex altogether.
First, did you know that a woman’s arousal is just as physical as a man’s? Just like a man experiences enlarged sexual organs, a woman does too. If that organ isn’t stimulated (the clitoris), it’s the same feeling as trying to have sex with a flaccid penis.
We also need to understand that sex is as mental as it is physical. Women can experience wetness without mental stimulation, and the reverse is true. Bridging the gap between this disconnect leads to a better overall experience.
With this information, there should be no shouldering all the pressure on the woman’s or the man’s side if either one is not rising to the occasion. There is simply a disconnect between the mind and the body that has to be fixed.
One tip Dr. Casperson expertly put forward is learning to manage the mind during sex. See, our brains naturally want to think of the future or the past. The problem is arousal, sex, and orgasms happen within the present moment. If you find your mind drifting, it may not be that you’re having a bad experience but that you need to redirect your mind and attention to enjoying the moment you’re in. Don’t we all need a bit more of that?!
2. I (or My Partner) Just Have a Low Desire
Do you know the difference between spontaneous and responsive sexual desire? Spontaneous desire is the myth pushed by society and Hollywood that sex should happen at the drop of a hat. People tend to portray men this way. Constantly hungry and ready for sex.
While spontaneous desire is typically accepted among men, women tend to get categorized as “sluts” if they experience spontaneous desire. Conversely, women end up feeling bad if they don’t desire sex spontaneously. So what’s happening here?
The reality is women can want sex for many reasons that don’t have to include spontaneous desire. This is where responsive desire kicks in. Responsive (or reactive desire) is when desire arrives during or even after sex. This should be a load off of so many shoulders.
Let me ask you a question, do you always desire to work out when you know you have to do it? Of course not, but you know that you need it, and you often realize how much you love it during or after the fact. Same for sex!
If you want the sex life of your dreams, stop waiting for that spontaneous desire to kick in and start prioritizing sex beyond just desire.
3. Sex is a Simple Product of Human Nature
Most people view sex as just one thing – a get in, get off, get out, type deal if you will. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The problem is that we’ve romanticized and glorified the concept of “libido.” Let’s dispel a myth within a myth: Libido is not a part of the human body; it’s a construct made up by Freud.
We won't die if we don’t have sex. We don’t need it to survive. Sex is a very complex process that involves so many moving pieces. That’s why a better understanding of it can lead to a better sex life. Humans need to prioritize sex just like any other aspect of life.
If you don’t see the need to prioritize sex, look at long-term relationships. The dopamine response to sex goes away within just 6 to 12 months. In short, we are biologically predisposed to getting bored and losing spontaneous sexual desire. That doesn’t mean that your sex life is over.
Too many women (and men) find themselves broken, thinking they have lost their desire for their partner. The reality is not that simple. You can absolutely regain your sex drive, but it takes a conscious decision between you and your partner.
Final Thoughts
Most of our struggles with sex come from a lack of education and understanding. There’s no need to be hard on yourself or your partner. If there is sex worth having, then that is worth prioritizing beyond just waiting for desire to kick in.
Remember, sex is fun. It should be enjoyed, not endured. It’s not that you have low levels of desire, that you’re too different, or that you lack basic human functions. Your sex life is waiting to be reclaimed, and it starts with a decision to do it.
In the podcast episode, Dr. Kelly Casperson dives much deeper into this topic and drops so many unique and life-changing tips I know will reshape the way you view sex, arousal, and desire.
Additional Resources
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