Here at Sexual Health for Men, we keep our minds open to all options and walks of life while removing the stigmas so we can speak openly and honestly about it. To do that, it takes a certain amount of courage and vulnerability, two words I would use to describe Myrian and Tristan.
Myrian and Tristan are the hosts of the Accidental Swingers Podcast, where they reveal the lessons they’ve learned from their journey and give advice that can benefit people of all lifestyles.
Whatever your preferences are, I believe we can glean a lot of wisdom about sex, orgasms, and sexual performance from this couple as they reveal their tips to spice up your sex life.
- Episode Video
- What is Swinging
- Sex and Orgasms from the Male and Female Perspective (Swinger’s Edition)
- The Key to the Your Best Sex = Communication and Vulnerability
- Final Thoughts
What is Swinging
First off, let’s look at what swinging is. Swinging is when couples engage in group sex or swap sexual partners while maintaining their relationship. Myrian and Tristan, married for 27 years, seemed to stumble into this lifestyle one night while having dinner with another couple.
After some honest conversations and candid communication, Myrian and Tristan decided this was just what they wanted to season their sex life a bit. The results for them have been astoundingly positive.
The couple now shares their positive experiences with others who either want to know about swinging or who generally want to learn more about sex. So what can we learn?
Sex and Orgasms from the Male and Female Perspective (Swinger’s Edition)
The male perspective
The ‘Big O,’ something we all strive for and look forward to in sex. It’s one of those things that can make or break a sexual experience. At a swinger's party, you can go through several partners in one night, so one thought springs to mind: how do men like Tristan deal with multiple women and multiple orgasms?
Tristan admits that, despite what you would think, he struggles with performance anxiety and constantly has to overcome shyness. Sometimes he’s with a woman and has a hard time performing. He’s learned to do several things you may find interesting.
1. Refocus on your current partner.
Distraction is the enemy of a satisfying sexual experience. With so much going on around him, Tristan learned to disengage from the noise and come back to satisfy his partner.
When his wife is close by, Tristan says he tends to watch her. Even with another partner, seeing his wife enjoying herself and being stimulated gets him excited and in the mood. Something about seeing the gratification of another person may be just what you need to reengage and ‘get back in the sack.’
2. Orgasm does not have to be the end goal.
We’ve briefly touched on this before, so getting more confirmation is always good. We sometimes focus too much on what we perceive as the end of sex rather than enjoying the moment.
Tristan says, on a given night, he doesn’t necessarily need to orgasm with each partner he’s with to have a satisfying experience. Making it about the partner is a sure way to live in the moment and have the energy needed to keep going after.
A female perspective
Myrian used to believe in “one and done” when it came to orgasms. Her whole life had been only one orgasm per sexual encounter, and it was only clitoral. Since she started swinging and being with multiple people trying different things, the doors have opened to new experiences.
1. Achieving a vaginal orgasm.
Women have a unique ability to have different types of orgasms. Myrian used to believe that she could only have clitoral orgasms, and that’s it! But when she finally achieved a vaginal orgasm, she described the feeling as entirely different from clitoral and extremely pleasurable.
The difference was being with another man with a different penis shape. When being able to be hit in other areas of the vagina, she was able to unlock different kinds of sensations. While men can’t magically change their penis shape, it may be worth trying different positions, rhythms, and techniques to stimulate different parts of the vagina.
2. Achieving multiple orgasms.
Women are different from men because they don’t have a refractory period. That means that after an orgasm, they don’t need to rest before getting another one. The thing is, it doesn’t always come naturally.
Myrian believed she was the kind of person who could only have one, and that’s it for the night. It wasn’t until she encountered a man who guided her through her first orgasm to the next that she realized anyone could experience it. She pushed through that initial sensitivity until her body responded with the next orgasm.
So, whether you’re a man reading this or a woman, “one and done” does not have to control your sexual encounter!
The Key to the Your Best Sex = Communication and Vulnerability
How do two people who have sexual encounters outside their marriage keep that marriage so strong? For Myrian and Tristan, it all boils down to open, honest, and sometimes ugly communication.
Swinging comes with its challenges. Jealousy can rear its ugly head plus different people want different things that might clash with their partner. Myrian and Tristan have learned to tighten up their communication as a couple.
In Tristan’s words, “It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability… In that vulnerability, it creates trust; the more you trust, the more intimate you can become with your spouse, and the more intimacy you have, the more love you have.” That love creates an exciting and safe space to express your sexuality with your partner.
It doesn’t take swinging to have a fully realized sex life, but we can definitely learn from those who are successful in it. The main lesson we can take from this is that sex can be enjoyed in so many different ways, and it’s something that is meant to be explored.
Talk with your partner if you’re looking for some spice in your life and reignited passion. Get vulnerable and honest about what you like and let them into your fantasies and desires. It may take a bit of courage on your part first, but you may be surprised that it opens the doors to the satisfaction you’ve been missing.
Be sure to tune into the full episode for more on Tristan and Myrian’s experiences.
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